Achievements can be complicated. While some people overdo their own achievements, others undermine their own. Achievements and living one's life to its fullest potential, however, are not the same thing.
Some people use achievements as a way to cover up subconscious feelings of inadequacy and perhaps shame, while others tend to underachieve because of fear. To live a fulfilling life, however, means being comfortable with how much or little you have done, as long as it is what you want to do in life.
For people who grow up believing that they are someone they actually are not, the moment of truth can be painful.
Here is the story of Farah:
Farah grew up believing that she was stupid and that she was no good for anything. Whenever someone praised her effort, she would immediately lose motivation. Even if she knew that she was right, Farah would pretend that she was wrong. The thought of being the center of attention frightened her. Farah wanted to be invisible.
Deep inside, however, Farah felt something else. She sensed that there was this other part that was destined for greatness. Sometimes, she did not understand what stopped her from letting this inner greatness shine. All Farah knew was that if she did not push her inner greatness down, she would suffer the consequences.
To Farah, it's hard to be her natural self. Most of the time, she gets confused about who she really is meant to be: the underachiever or the version of greatness that she knows is there but has never allowed to shine.
Under-achievements and inter-generational fear
It is important to understand that with some people, being smart or good at something has frightening consequences. And it goes back years, to when they were still young and growing up. The truth is that not every parent can appreciate the fact that children are smarter or has more potential to live a fulfilling life.
This fear of seeing their own children blossom into a more beautiful, more successful version of themselves can be too frightening, or even painful. For the children of these parents, being their good natural selves has detrimental consequences. To protect themselves, these children grew up hiding underneath their parents' shadow.
Breaking the pre-determined begins with self-awareness
Farah was not stupid. In fact, Farah was an intelligent and curious child. But she was told and treated by everyone around her, particularly her own mother, as if she was stupid. And Farah came to believe it.
Until one day, Farah started asking questions. From one question, to two; from two to four; from four to ten, until she could not stop questioning everything that she was told to believe about herself. Something was not right. Farah could sense that the inner greatness was still there, waiting for the day to shine.
The moment of truths, however, is when Farah actually realizes how much time she has lost. Underachieving was not Farah’s choice but a role assigned to her by her mother.
Some apples do fall far from the tree
This is not the story of one person but of many persons. Many Farahs are still out there. Some have started to ask questions, while others remain reluctant to venture into this heavily protected area.
In her book, Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth, Paula Prober wrote:
"Understand the difference between boasting about your achievements and living your fullest life. Even if you surpass your parents or your mentors, even if others are uncomfortable, it is important that you step into your wholeness."
Stepping into your wholeness takes courage, to start asking questions, to look into what achievements actually mean and whether or not these achievements truly belong to you or to someone else.
Like Farah, whether or not to shine with the inner greatness that is no longer kept buried deep inside, the choice is always there.